We have a lot of connections here at puntingiswinning, so I now present to you an entry that was taken straight out from Dan Guerrero’s secret journal (it’s the pink notebook on his desk with stickers of teddy bears and doughnuts on the cover).
Dan Guerrero’s Fantastic Journal
Title: Top 3 candidates for the next UCLA head football coach.
1. Rich Neuheisel: I tell you what, there is something about this Rich Neuheisel guy that I really like, he has the gift of gab of the former head coach (can’t recall his name, it’s been ages since I fired his ass), but SO different in their facial hair preference. I mean Rich knew everything about me and all the admins who work here at the UCLA athletic department, it’s like he has been coaching here for the past 4 years or something. Strange… And talk about innovative, he wanted to install this new generation offensive scheme called the “fingerbang”, and trust me on this, people will feel violated after watching this formation at work. Is the run play gonna be to the right or to the left? Oh you just don’t’ know my friend, and there lies the genius of this “fingerbang” formation. I like this guy a lot, so different from the previous regime.
2. Ricardo Neujimenez: Hard worker, I could feel the callus on his fingertips from the first firm hand shake which let me know right off the bat that this guy works his works his fingers to the bone! When I asked Ricardo what he likes to do in his off time, without hesitation he pulled out a spanish guitar and played “jessie’s girl” like only a true Mexican could. Oh those eclectic D, A, G chords of the latin rhythms….. Takes me back. I know Ricardo can teach these kids something beyond just life of football, something beyond just athletic accomplishment, yes he can teach them the ability to play shitty 90′s pop music on an acoustic musical instrument. I don’t know, Ricardo has that certain je ne sais quoi as us Mexicans like to say.
3. Rashad Naim Hussain: Let me just say that he signifies the term “Change”. I know that Rashad will be tremendously relatable to the kids of today because during his interview, he used hip cool urban phrases like, “Jive Turkey” and “What it was, what it is, what it will be…” When I asked my usual gotcha question of what he likes to do in his off time, Rashad took out his bass guitar and played “jessie’s girl” with a funk that had me tapping my toes so hard that I almost spilled my favorite glass of doughnut marinated chianti. By the way, who knew Rick Springfield has this much cross cultural appeal? Note to self, put an article about Rick Springfield on the next UCLA football newsletter, alums will eat it up. Rashad might be my favorite candidate of them all, he is the real life version of my dream, a black Karl Dorrell.
This is going to be a hard decision no doubt, but no matter who I choose to replace that other guy (what is his name? darn it! was it jessie springfield?), I know it will be the correct one. Seriously, who can tell me that I am not doing a fantastic job right now, I already moved into the corner office with tremendous views and no walls. Haters say that I been kicked out to the parking lot but I know better than to listen to those people. *kisses* Tee hee~~
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